Shinji Theater
by gunman
Summary: Ritsuko comes up with a way to read Shinji's dreams when he lapses into a coma. ShinjiVarious. Chapter 3 uploaded.
1. Chapter 1

_**SHINJI THEATER**_

by Gunman

Disclaimer: Don't own anything. This is just something I did in my spare time.

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The doctors rolled the stretcher into the examination room. The occupant was one Shinji Ikari. While it was not unusual to see Shinji on a stretcher, in fact he had his own personal one, the problem this time is that he wasn't in an Eva/Angel battle, Asuka hadn't beaten him this time, and no one had attacked him at school.

That and the fact that he was smiling.

"So what's going on Rits?" Misato Katsuragi asked as her friend reviewed the reports.

"You tell me!" Dr Ritsuko Akagi stated as she stared at the woman.

"Just what I told you. Asuka and I get home, we find no dinner cooking or waiting for us, and Shinji is in his bed, with a smile plastered on his face. We tried everything short of drop-kicking him through a wall to wake him up. Nothing."

"Everything? You tried everything?" Ritsuko asked, rasing an eyebrow.

"Shouting at him, shaking him, dumping cold water on him." Misato said, counting on her fingers. "PenPen was pecking at him, that didn't work. We even tried talking sexy to him, but it's like he didn't head either of us."

"You_ and _Asuka tried talking sexy to _him_? Our Asuka?"

"Oh yeah. I just had her pretend Shinji was Kaji. She... made me promise not to tell."

_Oh, yes. Fine promise-keeper you are_. she shook her head at the woman. "Did you try kissing him?"

"Yeah, no response." Misato suddenly went red when she realized. "RITZ!"

"You didn't have sex with the boy, did you?" she accused.

"Oh I guarantee, he would have woken up from THAT!" the purple-haired woman teased.

_Or would have died from the massive nosebleed and heart attack._ "At any rate, the report indicates that Shinji is in a coma." the blond said as she reviewed her clipboard.

"Any way to snap him out of it?" Misato asked, now a little worried.

"We don't even know what happened to put him in it, or what's going on in there." Ritsuko said.

"There has to be something we can do." the purple-haired woman pleaded.

Ritsuko paused for a second, thinking deep.

"Well... there's the new brainwave scanner I built." she said.

"The what?"

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"So, what is this thing again?" Misato asked as Ritsuko hooked up the scanner to the purple Evangelion.

The device itself looked like some kind of weird computer laptop built on top of a standing three-door tool box, with wheels and several connector plugs that could interface with other devices.

"Something I've been tinkering with in my spare time." Ritsuko replied.

"You? Spare time?" Misato looked on in disbelief.

"I know, I know. Anyway, the idea is based off old research done on REM Sleep and electrons that exist inside and around the human brain. As we know, the human brain emits a series of electronic pulses, in a pattern of sorts, that are actually thoughts flowing across your brain. I've developed a program that will read these electrical patterns and translate them into images."

"But what good does that do us?" Misato asked as Ritsuko finished hooking up the scanner.

"It'll let us see Shinji's dreams." the blond explained.

"His... dreams? You've got to be kidding me." she said skeptically.

"Hardly. By putting Shinji into the Eva and submerging him in LCL, the neural connections that he uses to control the Eva will act as a type of thought transference through which the scanner will detect and interpret, thereby giving us a living picture of what Shinji is thinking." she explained.

"So that's why you put his neural connectors on his forehead before he went in."

"Exactly." Ritsuko said as she pressed the button and the monitor came alive. "I've got something." she said.

(Transfer the images to the control room and get up here.) Gendo ordered from the control room.

Ritsuko did just that and she and Misato headed up to the command center.

"Signal's coming in." Maya said as the pair arrived seconds later.

"Patch it to the main monitor." Gendo ordered.

"Yes, sir." Maya said as she punched in the command keys as Misato, Ritsuko, Kaji, Asuka, Rei, Hyuga, Shigeru, Fuyutsuki and Gendo watched.

The monitor roared to life as the image of Shinji came into focus. There was a large screen image with a small box in the corner playing a separate image. The smaller image was of Shinji sitting in his Eva, the larger image was his dream.

In his dream, Shinji is playing his cello in a large concert hall, preforming a very complex piece.

"Well, well. Looks like he's normal after all." Kaji grinned.

"Doesn't explain why he's happy." Misato said.

Shinji finished his piece and exited the stage to the awaiting applause of his mother.

"Yui?" Gendo gasped, seeing the young image of his dearly departed wife on screen.

"Okay, _now_ we know why he's so happy." Misato said as the woman hugged the boy warmly.

Just then, a figure appeared out of the shadow, also applauding.

"Is that..." Asuka asked.

"The commander?" Hyuga gasped

"Can't be." Shigeru said.

"Why not?" Maya asked.

"He's smiling." Kaji answered.

And it was true, Gendo Ikari was smiling, and not one of those twisted evil smiles. A genuinely happy smile that surprised even him. And he was clean shaven and not wearing sunglasses.

((Well done, Shinji-kun.)) Yui Ikari said on the screen.

((Thank you, mother.)) Shinji said with a smile.

((Yes, most impressive, son.)) Gendo said as another man approached Shinji and presented him with a rolled certificate.

((Congratulations, Mr Ikari.)) The man said as he handed the boy the certificate. ((You're the winner of the Tokyo-3 Scholarship to study music at the prestigious Vienna, Austria Music Academy))

((In four years when you become 18, of course.)) Gendo added.

((Of course.)) the man said.

((Well, we're very proud of you, Shinji-kun.)) Yui said as she hugged the boy once again, kissing his cheek softly. ((And we still have time for lunch before Ritsuko's presentation.))

That got the blond scientists attention real quick.

"Presentation?" she gasped.

Shinji, Yui and Gendo are then shown eating lunch at a café where they are just talking.

((So, how is your project coming, Shinji?)) Yui asked as she ate her salad.

((Pretty good. Ibuki-sensei seems to like my idea.)) Shinji said as he swallowed his teriyaki.

"Ibuki-_sensei_?" Maya Ibuki gasped as she heard her name.

((Maya always did like your school presentations, son)) Gendo said.

"I'm... a teacher?" Maya gasped.

To be honest she wasn't sure how she should feel. If this was Shinji's dream, than subconsciously he thought of her as smart enough to be a teacher, yet she never really considered it a career choice. She eventually came to the conclusion that Shinji simply didn't know her well enough to have her do anything more 'worthwhile' in his dreams. In the end, she thought it was rather sweet of him.

((Oh look. It looks like Shigeru's new music video.)) Yui said, indicating the television screen in the café where a familiar long-haired man was enthusiastically playing a guitar.

"I'm... a rock star?" Shigeru Aoba gasped at the image. "Cool!"

The Ikari family ate their lunch and then left to go to the science academy. They took their seats inside a large auditorium surrounded by hundreds of people and even press, when a distinguished-looking man appeared on the stage.

"Is that..." Maya gasped.

"It's the sub-commander." Hyuga confirmed.

((Greetings fellow scientists and distinguished guests. We are here today to present the Nobel Prize for Science to this years winner, the youngest to ever achieve this hard-earned award, for the third time in a row. It is with great honor, as the president of the Japanese Science Council, that I present this well-deserved award, to Dr Ritsuko Akagi!)) The elderly man in the Italian suit said.

The auditorium erupted into applause as back in NERV, an elderly sub-commander was grinning, and said woman had fallen onto her butt.

_President of the Japanese Science Council, eh?_ The elderly man thought. _Thank you very much Shinji._

"Ritsuko, are you alright?" Misato asked the fallen woman.

"Uh... I... won the Nobel Prize?" Ritsuko gasped.

"And three years running no less." Misato said as she helped her friend up.

Ritsuko appeared on screen, looking virtually the same as she did now, only seemed to be wearing a stylish 'little red dress' underneath her white lab coat, sauntered up to the podium and accepted the award. Fuyutsuki smiled as he handed the award to her, kissing her on the cheek and causing her to blush, and then walked off, leaving Ritsuko to give her speech.

_Whoa, Dr Akagi look's hot_. Shigeru thought.

((I'd like to thank everyone who made this scientific achievement possible.)) On-screen Ritsuko said. ((Particularly that of the Ikari family for recognizing my genius enough to provide the primarily funding for my pet project in advanced cellular regeneration. A process that had saved hundreds of lives this month alone.))

"Humble, aren't we?" Misato teased the 'hot blond'.

"Quiet! I'm speaking!" Ritsuko said, actually smiling that this is what Shinji thought about her. Both in intellect and apparent attractiveness.

"I notice that I haven't shown up." Asuka grumbled off to the side.

((And I'd rather not bore you with a lot of scientific equations you probably wouldn't understand, as...)) She started to say, as the alarms suddenly sounded.

Everyone was on their toes at that.

"Are those our alarms?" Gendo asked as he rose up out of his chair.

"No. It's coming from the screen, sir!" Maya said, once she had confirmed the alarms origin.

On the screen, everyone was racing outside to see a giant monster that looked like the Third Angel smashing buildings.

((What are we going to do, mother?)) Shinji asked.

((Don't worry Shinji. Asuka will be along soon.)) Yui answered.

That caught the redhead's attention. "Huh?"

Suddenly on screen, a thunder storm whipped up as a familiar voice caught everyone's attention.

((Have no fear, citizens! The Crimson Valkyrie is here to save the day!))

No one blinked as they stared at the image of Asuka Langley Sohryu, dressed in a red metal 'bikini' like something out of Star Wars, wearing a helmet with horns, thick knee-length red boots, a long flowing red cape and carrying a spear in her left hand. Her right hand was on her hip.

"Oh, this is going to be interesting." Misato grinned as she turned to the girl.

"I KNEW HE WAS HAVING HENTAI DREAMS ABOUT ME!!!" Asuka roared in anger. "LOOK AT WHAT I'M WEARING!!"

"And he's got you painted up as a goddess no less." Kaji smirked.

"And he is right to do so!" Asuka declared with pride.

"You watched 'Return of the Jedi' last week, didn't you?" Ritsuko asked the female major.

"How did you know?" Misato giggled.

"Wild guess." the blond doctor turned to the screen as Asuka attacked.

The Crimson Valkyrie raised her spear high into the air, summoning lightning to her as she threw it back at the Third Angel, stunning it enough for her to fly in and punch the monster in the face, knocking it down.

"YES! GO ME!" Asuka cried as her on-screen-self blasted the Third Angel once more.

She was about to finish it off when she paused, as if noticing something off to the side.

"Huh? Why'd she stop?" Asuka asked as she flew away from the down Third Angel over to a large billboard.

That was enough of a shock, until everyone saw who was on the billboard.

"KAJI?" Misato gasped as everyone in the command center stared at Ryoji Kaji: underwear model.

"Uh..." the unshaven man stared in disbelief, wondering if this is what Shinji really thought about him, standing there on the billboard, dressed in only a white bikini-brief and his trademark smile, winking as his left hand was pointing straight ahead, like an old Uncle Sam recruiting poster.

(OH BABY! ASUKA LIKE!) The Crimson Valkyrie grinned widely at the billboard.

No one said anything, though snickers were heard all over the place. Something along the lines of, 'Even in other peoples dreams she acts the same' and 'that doesn't surprise me about Kaji' and even 'that's not Kaji's body.'

The last thought was actually from Misato's brain.

Just then, the Third Angel rose up and slammed it's fist down hard upon a distracted Asuka, sending her face-down into the street. Much like she had been during the Seventh Angel attack.

The scene turned back to Shinji and his family.

((I hope Rei gets here soon.)) Shinji said.

That brought NERV's resident albino to full attention.

_Shinji-kun is... thinking about me?_ She wondered.

The Third Angel was about to slam it's hands into Asuka once more, when a golden lasso wrapped around it's arm and yanked hard, tossing the Third Angel through the air, across the city and crash landed violently near the outskirts.

The image followed the lasso to it's owner, which was apparently Rei Ayanami, dressed in what looked like a red and blue swimsuit with a gold eagle on her chest, the blue mini-skirt and underwear patterned with little white stars. There was a gold lasso in her hands, a gold tiara with a red star on her forehead, she was wearing red boots and long silver bracelets. And she was flying.

((Don't Worry, Crimson Valkyrie. Wondergirl is here to help you!)) The blue-haired girl said.

The room was speechless as Rei was staring unblinking at the screen.

_Shinji-kun thinks of me as... a superhero? _She thought as her on-screen self flew towards the Angel and slammed her fists into it's face.

She does very well, better than Asuka, the Angel no match for the swiftness of her strength, until it's eyes glowed and blasted her with a powerful laser beam. The beam knocks Wondergirl away from it, across the city and slammed her hard into the concrete and asphalt of the city streets.

((REI-CHAN! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?)) Shinji asked as he ran up to her and tried to help her sit up.

Wondergirl said nothing, just smiled as she caressed his face with her hand, then kissed him gently on the cheek.

Everyone was a little shocked by this and whispered around the command room.

'I thought he had a thing for Rei'. 'It's a cute outfit too.' 'Makes sense, with all times Asuka calls her Wondergirl.'

No one failed to miss the large poster that was behind them, which showed another picture of Kaji, spokesman for 'Ultra Pleasure Condoms'.

"So, this is what Shinji really thinks of me, huh?" Kaji sweat dropped.

"Yeah. Hard to believe." Misato said, her voice dripping with ridicule.

Just then, the on-screen military arrived.

((This is Commander Misato Katsuragi of the JSSDF! Everyone Get Down!!!!)) Misato shouted.

"So, I'm the commander of the JSSDF? Nice." Misato said with a smile as the military assembled.

"So, is that why you're wearing a little black dress with high-heels, a beret and a scarf?" Kaji asked.

"And why are there like three people around you taking pictures?" Ritsuko asked as Misato noticed there were cameramen snapping pictures of her on-screen self.

((Commander, we have to hurry.)) Makoto Hyuga said, running up to the woman. He was wearing a business suit of sorts.

((Why?)) She asked.

((You have that photo-shoot in an hour.))

((Another one? You can't be serious!)) She asked with a glum expression.

((But it's a cover shoot for the Swimsuit Issue.))

((Like the Victoria Secret cover wasn't enough? Fine, let's get this over with.))

The purple-haired woman nearly gagged at that.

"So, I'm an underwear model and a condom spokesman, and you're a military officer who models lingerie on the side, huh?" Kaji grinned.

Misato was grimacing at the man. "At least I have a real responsibility over you!" she spat.

However, she had to admit, that if this was what Shinji thought of her, it was a pretty flattering. Being both responsible enough to be the JSSDF's commander, and sexy enough to have people want to put her in lingerie and swimsuit magazines.

"And I'm the major's... publicist?" Makoto gasped.

"Sounds like something you'd be good at." Maya giggled.

On-screen, the full force of the Japanese Strategic Self-Defense Force attacked with everything they had. Guns, missiles, bombs, flamethrowers, lasers, and whatnot.

Like always, it did no good.

"Everything but the kitchen sink." Maya commented.

((We can't stop it! Hyuga! Activate the Giant Robot!)) Misato screamed.

"The Giant Robot?" Makoto gasped.

"Looks like Shinji dreams of Eva's too." Ritsuko said.

On the screen, the elevators that the Eva's usually rode on, rose up to reveal... something truly unexpected.

"Is that..." Maya gasped.

"It looks like..." Makoto said.

"It can't be." Shigeru replied.

((LAUNCH THE GIANT ROBOTIC PENGUIN!!!)) Misato shouted, doing a pose like that Crane-kick from the Karate-Kid.

"You can't be serious." Misato gasped as she hid her face with her hands, more from the corny pose she was doing than what she was saying.

((GO PENPEN!!)) Misato shouted, her hands pointing like she was holding a gun.

"She's serious." Ritsuko said with dry expression.

((ULTRA-TITANIUM CLAWS!)) Misato shouted as she pressed the remote control on her wrist.

PenPen attacked the Angel, slashing at it with it's ultra-titanium claws attached to its flippers, then leaping into the air to deliver a roundhouse kick that sent the Angel backwards. The Angel let loose a powerful energy beam that knocked PenPen backwards through the city.

((PENGUIN SHRIEK!)) Misato shouted as she pressed the command into the wrist control.

PenPen let loose a powerful, almost deafening 'WARK!' that knocked the Angel backwards. This allowed him to stand up to launch another attack.

((MISSILE BARRAGE!)) Misato shouted again as the backpack on PenPen opened up and released nearly a dozen missiles that arched around him and slammed into the Angel.

"This... Is just ridiculous." Asuka groaned as she continued to watch the screen.

"I wasn't aware your son was so... creative." Fuyutsuki said to Gendo.

"Neither was I, sensei." Gendo replied to the older man.

((The weapons are having no effect, Commander!)) Makoto shouted to Misato.

((We have to penetrate it's shield! Hyuga! Get me my secret weapon!)) Misato shouted.

((But Commander! You Can't! It's Too Dangerous!)) He protested.

((JUST DO IT!)) She shouted.

To everyone's mild surprise, Makoto hands Misato... a large silver keg of beer.

"Oooooooooh, god!" Misato groaned as her face was buried in her hands.

Misato races up the side of a large building, and when she reaches the roof tears the lid of the keg off, and downs the entire barrel in seconds, her mouth growing to outrageous size to do it.

"It's nice to see Shinji's keeping everyone in character." Ritsuko said.

"OH, SHUT UP!" the purple haired woman growled.

The on-screen Misato then whistles to the giant monster, who turns towards her, as she lets out a monstrous belch that hits the monster in the face like a fist, knocking it down onto it's back.

"Yes, definitely in character." Ritsuko grinned.

"You are _this_ close, woman..." Misato said as she pinched her fingers together.

((Alright! Load the catapult!)) The on-screen Misato shouted.

"Huh?" Misato wondered as she continued to watch as this giant Medieval catapult suddenly appeared, it's launcher holding what looked like a large boiling glob of a strange brown substance.

((RELEASE THE BIO-HAZARD!!!)) Misato shouted, doing another dramatic pose that had her bending over her side, while her arms were both pointed at the catapult.

"Bio-Hazard? Using a catapult?" Ritsuko wondered. "I know it's a dream, but..."

Everyone watched as the Angel was slowly getting back up, still dazed, as the catapult launched the bubbling brown substance at the creature.

It struck the Angel in the face and chest.

The Angel let out a piercing scream and started flopping wildly about on the ground, like it was in pain, as if the substance was acid.

The 'acid' theory held weight as parts of the Angel, where it had been hit, started to melt.

Misato walked up to the catapult and drew her finger across the residue, stuck it into her mouth and grinning happily.

((Absolutely Delicious!)) She squealed happily as she turned to the still shrieking Angel. ((What's wrong monster? Didn't like my Special Curry Surprise? I cooked it myself!))

Back in NERV...

"Told you that stuff was toxic." Ritsuko smirked.

"THAT'S IT!" Misato huffed as she put the blond in a headlock.

((FINAL ATTACK! PENGUIN BELLY-FLOP!)) Misato shouted as she pointed once more.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god!" Misato groaned as she watches the robotic PenPen leap into the air and come crashing down on the monster, belly first, destroying it.

"Misato... can't breath..." Ritsuko gasped.

Back to the screen...

((Congratulations, Ritsuko. You're giant robot penguin won again.)) Yui said as she shook the blond woman's hand.

((Yes. Who knew creating PenPen would have won me my first Nobel Prize)) Ritsuko beamed.

((Don't forget, the Ikari family funded that project, Ritsuko.)) Gendo said.

((How could I? Your money, my genius.)) She stated proudly.

((And you gave it to the JSSDF.)) Wondergirl said.

Rei noticed that the on-screen Shinji had his arms around Wondergirl's waist and Wondergirl looked like she was enjoying it.

_I did not know I could smile like that_. Rei thought.

((Well, where was I going to put it? In a gigantic underground base beneath the city? That's just ridiculous.)) Ritsuko asked.

((You could have called it the Geofront!)) Shinji stated as Wondergirl rested her back against his chest.

(Creative, but wholly unbelievable, Shinji.)) the blond said as behind her, The Crimson Valkyrie was picking herself up from the hole she had been pounded in to.

Back in NERV...

"Oh, we're going to have to have a talk with this boy." Misato groaned.

"When he wakes up." Kaji said.

"If he wakes up." Fuyutsuki mumbled.

"I don't know, I found it kinda flattering." Ritsuko said, rubbing her neck.

"At least you're not the star of his perverted fantasies." Asuka growled.

"You are not the only star." Rei said.

"That's right! Rei did kiss him." Misato grinned.

"He wanted her to kiss him!" Asuka shouted.

"Exactly."

Asuka blinked. "What are you getting at?"

"It means that he likes Rei more than you." Misato stated.

"WHAT?"

"Please tell me we were recording that." Ritsuko said to Maya.

"Yes, sempai." Maya acknowledged.

"So, how did he come up with all... that?" Misato asked.

"Well, dreams are simply a collection of events and occurrences that a person experiences, as well as their own personal thoughts, and thus when they dream these things arrange themselves in a way that best fits what they secretly want." Ritsuko explained.

"So... this is what Shinji honestly thinks about us, or wishes us to be?"

"Maybe."

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Author's Notes:

Originally I did this story out of boredom, but it just kind of got out of hand as I kept coming up with different ideas for each person.

I tried to include as many characters as possible and tried to get them to interact and such, which ultimately excluded Toji, Hikari and Kensuke.

And also, the premise for this story was that Shinji in the series had a bad and sad life. Therefore, it's not entirely out of the question that his dreams could have been better. So much so that he would have lapsed into a coma from having some pleasant thoughts overwhelm his dreams.

Hope everyone liked this. Depending on how many reviews I get for this, I might decide to do a second one.

So please, read and review.


	2. Chapter 2

_**SHINJI THEATER II**_

by Gunman

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the plot.

DancingBrain: I've taken your King Kong idea into consideration, but it will probably be in the next chapter, alright?

Unknown-Writer85: I've added Toji, Hikari and Kensuke to this chapter in place of the bridge bunnies from NERV. I've actually done something special with Maya, Makoto and Shigeru.

Cthreen: Yeah, the last one was pretty random. Hopefully, this chapter will be over the top.

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"Unbelievable! Absolutely unbelievable!" the redheaded Asuka Langley Sohryu shouted as the main screen of the NERV command center turned to snow.

"Oh, you're just jealous, Asuka-pooh!" the purple-haired Misato Katsuragi grinned as she patted the German girl on her head.

"Don't patronize me, Misato! And stopped patting me!" she cried as she knocked the older woman's hand away.

"Aaahhh! Does little Asuka want her teddy bear?"

"I'm Warning You, Misato!" the girl growled.

"Come on, Asuka! You have to admit that was funny!" she laughed.

"Oh Right! Shinji painted me up as a whiney little five year old who couldn't cross the street without holding his hand!"

"Well, duh! He was your bodyguard/nanny."

"I DON'T NEED A BODYGUARD! AND I DON'T NEED A NANNY!!"

"How about volume control?" Ritsuko Akagi asked as she jotted down more notes from the console to her clipboard.

This earned the blond a nasty glare from the redhead.

"That entire dream probably stemmed from Shinji's long history of being your cook, housekeeper, and dry cleaner."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." she waved her off. "He's a housebroken male, end of story."

"I thought it was cute that he pictured himself as your personal caretaker." Misato sighed.

"And I thought it was heroic the way he saved your life from the kidnapper." Ritsuko said.

"Five years old! I was five years old!" she kept mumbling. _Least I was a rich five year old._

"Or were you jealous that Rei was the next door neighbor and they shared a kiss after you went to bed?" Misato asked.

"OH, SHUT UP!"

"Sempai!" computer tech Maya Ibuki called out as another image stated coming through on the screen.

"Oh, here we go again." Misato smiled as she sat down in her chair.

I swear if he paints me up as some kind of helpless child again... Asuka grumbled as she sat back in her chair along with Misato, Ritsuko, Maya, Makoto Hyuga, Shigeru Aoba, Rei Ayanami, Ryoji Kaji, Kouzou Fuyutsuki and Gendo Ikari.

The image started to focus, the first thing anyone noticed was a person singing.

_((Hey, Ho, to the bottle I go, _

_To heal my heart and drown my woe!_

_Rain may fall and wind may blow, _

_But there still be... many miles to go! _

_Sweet is the sound of the pouring rain, _

_And the stream that falls from hill to plain! _

_Thicker than foam of the ocean swirl, _

_Is a Can of Beer inside this girl!))_ Captain Misato Katsuragi chortled as she downed yet another beer and tossed it into the corner where a dozen.

In the real world...

"Ooooooooooooooooh boy!" Misato covered her face in mortification.

"Yup! Just like all the other 'movies' we've seen thus far." Ritsuko said with a straight face.

Misato being painted up like a drunk never failed to make Asuka laugh.

"At least the song's different." she mumbled.

((COMMANDER!)) First Officer Ryoji Kaji shouted as he ran up to the nearly drunk woman.

((What's wrong, boson? (Snicker, snicker) Bo-son. Are you the son of Bo?))

((Oh, for crying... Commander, this is serious! A fleet of alien robots is attacking the planet.))

((What? Are you sure?))

((Yes. It's Lord Gendo.))

((AGAIN?))

((Yeah. He's persistent!))

In the real world the NERV crew watched as the scene changed to that of a massive alien warship flying through space leading a vast armada towards the planet. On the main bridge of the ship sat a person resembling Gendo Ikari, dressed in elaborate robes that just screamed exorbitant and bordered on excessively-overdone.

"Are those antler horns on his head?" Kaji asked.

"Those aren't antler horns, and they're actually on his collar reaching around behind him." Ritsuko said.

"Weird." Makoto stated.

Gendo actually looked mortified.

Back on the screen...

((This is Commander Misato Katsuragi!)) the woman said. ((Full power to the Flippers!))

"The what?" Kaji asked.

"Did she say... the flippers?" Asuka asked.

The screen image of Misato pulled back and revealed that she and her crew were infact in a large submarine, shaped like...

"Is that... PenPen?" Asuka gasped.

"A penguin shaped submarine? Weird." Shigeru stated.

On screen, the submarine continued to travel, until it reached the shores of Tokyo, Japan.

((Commence Landing!)) Commander Misato shouted.

"Landing? The submarine can go on land?" Major Misato asked.

In seconds, the penguin shaped submarine changed shape. The middle started to bend and twist, and was followed by the front bow bending downward, the flippers in the rear extending out to form the larger webbed feet, the sides of the submarine extending out to be it's wings, and the bow grew a mess of spiked 'hair'.

"Again with the giant robots!" Misato chuckled as the PenPen robot/submarine started walking on to the beach and tuned around to face the on-coming attackers.

"Well, he is a robot _pilot_!" Ritsuko replied.

((PREPARE FOR BATTLE! AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!)) she screamed wildly as she whipped off her Naval commander's uniform and now stood in a leather skirt and bodice. Leather boots went up to her knees, and there was a sword on her hip.

"Why do I sound like Xena?" Misato asked.

"Why do you look like Xena?" Asuka asked.

"The boy's got a thing for leather it seems." Kaji grinned.

"WAS THIS YOUR INFLUENCE?" Misato shouted.

"Well..." the man panicked a little.

On the screen, the PenPen robot/submarine fired repetitive missiles and lasers at the advancing enemy fleet, destroying several of the ships before the main flagship opened up with its main cannon and blasted the penguin robot in half.

Misato and her crew stumbled out of the broken machinery as the ships continued to advance on the main city, which resembled Tokyo-3, flying over the broken robot.

((Commander, are you alright?)) Kaji asked.

((Yeah. But I think I'm gonna need a new ship.)) Misato joked.

((Uh... commander?))

((Relax. We've bought them as much time as we could. It's up to Shinji and the others now.))

"I see Shinji's painting himself as the hero this time." Asuka grumbled.

The screen changed from Misato and Kaji to what looked like a more advanced version of NERV, cleaner, brighter and with more personnel.

And what's more... Yui Ikari was it's Commander.

((The enemy is advancing, commander!)) Hikari Horaki shouted from her terminal.

((Magi estimate at least fifty ships. And they look like robot changers!)) Kensuke Aida shouted from his own terminal.

From her elevated platform in the high-tech base, Commander Yui Ikari watched the multiple view screens show the advancing armada of warships, many of which began to transform into battle-bots.

((What are your orders, commander?)) Toji Suzuhara asked from his own terminal.

After several tense seconds, the commander came alive. ((LAUNCH THE ASUKA-BOT!))

"The What?" the redheaded German gasped.

On the screen, the mountain side opened up and revealed a sight that would burn into the girls mind. It was a gigantic red, metallic robot wearing a golden metal dress. It looked like a robotic version of Asuka in her sundress when she first met Shinji and Misato aboard the Over The Rainbow carrier. Her long hair looked like steel cables and she wore spikes heels on her feet.

Everyone in NERV looked at the robot on screen, to the girl sitting with them, and back again.

"OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!" Asuka roared.

Back on screen...

((Alight, you evil alien robots! Prepare to taste the wrath of my... BOSOM BLASTERS!!!!)) the on-screen Asuka shouted as the Asuka-Bot's breasts opened up like missile silos and jutted out like a warhead about to launch.

"MY WHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???!!!!" she roared.

The Asuka-Bot fires her Bosom Blaster missiles at the enemy robots, destroying four of them in one strike.

((Why does Asuka always use her biggest weapons first?)) Toji asked.

((I don't know. I guess she's really proud of them for some reason.)) Kensuke replied.

However, back in the real world...

"GOD DAMN YOU SHINJI! I'M GONNA STRANGLE YOUR BAKA-HENTAI NECK WHEN YOU GET OUT OF THAT ROBOT!" Asuka shouted as Kaji and Misato fought to hold the girl back before she actually carried out her threat.

Back on screen...

((ASUKA SUPER SCREAM!)) the girl pilot shouted as she flipped another switch.

"My what?" the real redhead gasped as she regained her breath while looking on.

((AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)) a near-deafening shockwave blasted four more robots down as more surrounded her.

In the real world, the NERV personnel just looked on.

"Well, that makes sense. She does shout a lot." Makoto said.

"HEY!" the girl shouted.

"See?" Shigeru grinned.

((ASUKA SUPER SLAP!!)) the on-screen girl shouted.

SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!!!!! the fierce strike sounded, taking three enemy robots heads off.

"Oh, come on!" the German redhead grimaced.

"And that is also in Asuka-style." Misato grinned.

((MACHINE GUN ARMS OF DEATH!)) she shouted as the red robots arms turned into gattling guns and fired everything they had at the alien robots.

"Ooookay. Just a little much." Maya laughed lightly at the girl's overkill.

((AND HERE'S THE PANTY-SHOT!!)) she cried as she delivered a powerful spinning roundhouse kick which resulted in her leg flying straight up at a nearly 180º angle to catch the alien robot in the jaw, while revealing her robot's panties. Which were white.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!??????" the aghast redhead screamed.

"A red robot with white panties. Wow!" Misato laughed.

((AND HERE COMES MY FINISHING MOVE: THE DEVIL'S FIREBALL!!!!))

"Oh, here it comes." Misato said as she covered her ears.

((I KNEW IT! I KNEW THOSE STOOGES WEREN'T THE ONLY ONE'S WHO CALLED ME A DEVIL!))

The robots cable-like hair glowed brightly, like the spikes on Godzilla's back, and suddenly caught on fire as she started shaking her head, whipping it around and around, until he cracked her head forward to toss the fireball at the evil robots, destroying five in one shot.

"That... was... over the top!" Misato sweatedropped.

"Someone's been watching a lot of anime I see." Ritsuko stated. _Which would be odd unless he did more than practice his cello at Misato's apartment. _

On-screen, 21 robots fell to the Asuka-Bot.

Which left 29 robots standing, and shooting at Asuka.

Lasers and missiles knocked the Asuka-Bot through a large building and onto her back.

The screen shifted to the image of Yui Ikari, calling out yet another robot.

((SHINJI! IT'S TIME!)) she called through the communicator.

The screen changed again, this time revealing Shinji Ikari sitting in a high-tech cockpit of a high-tech blue robot that looked a little like him, though the build was larger.

((Yes, mother! This is Shinji launching in the SERAPH-1!)) the boy pilot cried as his robot ran out of the base, footsteps thundering as he went.

Back in the real world...

"Seraph?" Maya asked.

"As in... Angel?" Shigeru asked.

On screen...

((This is Rei launching in the SERAPH-2!)) the blue-haired girl replied as she thrust the controls forward and propelled her vehicle through the launch hanger.

"It's a jet?" Makoto asked.

The Seraph-1 leaped into the air and came down hard with a foot plowing through the chest of one of the alien robots. The Seraph-2 flew down hard upon the enemy and fired two missiles that blew two of the robots up.

((Commence Link Up Sequence!)) Shinji shouted as he launched his robot into the air, spreading his arms like they were wings.

((Roger!)) Rei shouted as she flew up behind Shinji and interlocked into his robots back.

((ARCHANGEL FORMATION COMPLETE!)) the pair shouted in unison.

"Oh, look. Rei's jet connects to Shinji's back and now they've become like angel-wings." Misato said nonchalantly, noting that the smooth wings of the jet had spread out like feathers on a bird.

"Creepy." Ritsuko stated, yet couldn't turn away.

((BLAZING SWORD OF MICHAEL!)) Shinji shouted as a lightsaber-like hilt ejected from the robot's wrist into it's right hand and ignited into a beam-blade, which the Archangel robot used to slice down 7 alien robots.

((WING BEAM!)) Rei shouted again as the Archangel flew straight up into the air and arced it's wings, which glowed a bright white, then fired a powerful energy beam at the robots below and took out 6 more robots.

((HOLY FIST OF GABRIEL!)) Shinji shouted again, this time the left arm energized with power as the Archangel flew in and slammed it's fist into the ground, creating a shockwave that took out the 5 closest alien robots.

((FEATHER RAIN!)) Rei shouted as the Archangel stood up, spread it's wings wide as it let loose a fury of its metallic feathers around it to destroy the last 8 alien robots.

Back in the real world...

"Wow. A little over the top, but... nice." Fuyutsuki said.

"Really." Kaji agreed.

Suddenly, the main flagship of the armada opened it's bomb-bay doors and released a dozen fierce looking robot monsters, which actually looked like the RoBeasts from Voltron. They landed around the Archangel and looked prepared to pounce.

((Rei, separate!)) Shinji shouted.

((No! I will not leave you!)) Rei replied.

((Don't worry Rei-chan. I have a plan.))

((But Shinji-kun...))

((Rei, it's going to be alright. Trust me.)) 

((...Very well. Be careful, my love.)) Rei cried with tears as she reluctantly detached her jet and flew off.

"MY LOVE?" Asuka gasped.

"He must have a thing for Rei if he's putting her in as the girlfriend this time." Makoto stated.

"Yeah. Last time it was just a kiss." Maya said.

On screen...

((Alright you freaks! I'm gonna exact revenge for the lives of the Bridge Bunnies your sabotaging spies have taken, using the very weapon systems they created for my robot!))

"Huh? We're dead?" Makoto asked in shock.

"And he's going to get revenge for us?" Shigeru asked.

_That's so sweet_! Maya smiled.

((ACTIVATING IBUKI OVERRIDE COMMAND!)) Shinji cried out.

"Ibuki?" she gasped. _YAY! I'm First!_ She mentally cheered.

A wave sent out from the blue robot stunned the robo-drones.

((Wireless Remote Control Function Engaged.)) Hikari shouted from the screen.

((The robo-drones are now under your control!)) Toji shouted.

((Alright. ACTIVATING AOBA SUB-WOOFER ROUTINE!)) Shinji shouted.

"Sub-woofer what?" Shigeru asked.

Seraph-1's muscular armor suddenly fell away, revealing a leaner more agile looking robot.

((Exo-Armor Disengaged! Take 'em Shinji!)) Yui shouted.

((Music.)) Shinji said softly as Kensuke pressed the button on the console as a fast-paced hip-hop song started to play.

_((Let me see you work it, work it._

_Watch you work it, work it._

_Back again, it's the robeast digger digger_

_King size bling, on my king size trigger finger_

_Throw away the law, _

_no rhyme on his money pit_

_Cristal bangin, and my paper keep the honey's grinnin))_ the song played as Shinji's Seraph-1 started to break dance like crazy.

Back in the real world...

"What the hell is he doing?" Asuka gasped.

"I think he's... dancing?" Misato looked on with wide-eyes, which quickly noticed the monster robot's following Shinji's robot's exact moves.

_((Why are you, gonna front like a punk that's got that steel?_

_You, dat bitch, stick your ass on the block trying to pay those bills._

_When I drop this base_

_Six hour force on to get work like Heartbreak Ridge_

_I'm gonna bust your face_

_Wiping up your blood with the panties that I stole from Benz_

_Ho ho ho ho ho, Work it out!_

_Ho ho ho ho ho, Work it out!_

_Ho ho ho ho ho, Work it out!))_

In the real world everyone just watched as Shinji's robot was spinning around on the floor like mad.

_((Back to your ass, put a dent in a robot_

_You wanna wish, get a vacuum robot_

_Shock to the dome, put a block in a robot_

_Six feet under in a grave with a robot_

_Ho ho ho ho ho, Work it out!_

_Ho ho ho ho ho, Work it out!_

_Ho ho ho ho ho, Work it out!_

_Let me see you work it, work. _

_Get on the floor and work it, work it_

_Are you ever gonna work it, work it?_

_Come on, man, just work it out_

_Let me see you work it, work it. _

_I wanna watch you work it, work it_

_Here's a dollar, now work it, work it_

_Just work it out!_

_Come on man, just work it out!_))

However, the rather unusual tactic had the desired effect.

Shinji's robot was apparently built for this high-energy super-mobile activity, and the 12 monster robots were not. As a result, the monster-bots were unable to keep up and fell apart from strain, all of them reduced to nothing but scrap.

Seraph-1 spun around and flipped back onto it's feet, reclaiming it's exo-armor and snapped his fingers, as it saying... 'That's right, I'm the man!'

"Oh.." Maya said.

"My..." Makoto said.

"God!" Shigeru said.

"You said it." Misato laughed.

On-screen Seraph-1 turned to look at the warship, sending a transmission, which was received by the leader of the space armada.

((And as for you, Lord Gendo!)) Shinji said.

((You don't have a weapon that can touch me at this distance, fool.)) the evil alien king said.

((I wouldn't, if Hyuga hadn't finished installing his own special weapon into my robot before he died.))

"What's my weapon?" Makoto Hyuga asked, highly curious.

((ACTIVATING HYUGA GOGGLES OF DOOM!))

"Goggles of what?" the glasses wearing tech gasped, as the rest of NERV stared at the screen.

Two large lenses wrapped around the robots eyes, looking like very thick glasses.

"Oh, come on! Those glasses are huge!" Makoto shouted.

Seraph-1's fists energized with red sphere in their palms. Shinji slammed them into the lenses of his glasses and then pulled them away. The lenses were now glowing with power.

((DEATH STARE!)) Shinji shouted as he turned his head upwards to the flagship as two powerful red beams of energy exploded from the lenses with immense force and flew at the ship, blasting past the protective shield and slicing the ship in three's like a blowtorch through melted butter.

Within seconds, the ship exploded, along with Gendo.

"Whoa!" Makoto gasped.

"Really. I never knew those glasses of yours were so powerful." Shigeru smirked.

"I'll say!" Maya giggled.

"Oh, shut up!" Makoto shouted.

((LORD GENDO HAS BEEN DESTROYED!!!)) Toji shouted as she lifted Hikari up and spun her around, the girl looking flushed as he did that.

((YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!)) Everyone clamored.

Back in the real world...

"Unbelievable!" Asuka spat. "AB-SO-FRIGGIN-LUTELY UNBELIEVABLE!!!"

"Oh, here we go again." Misato groaned as the redhead continued to rant some more.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Author's Notes:

Hope everyone enjoyed this little second chapter.

It was mostly done to satisfy my readers.

Misato's drinking song was taken from the extended version of the Lord of the Ring: The Fellowship of the Ring movie and the hip-hop song was taken from the Robot Chicken Voltron segment where Voltron battled a RoBeast in a dance-off.

Asuka's robot was based off of the Aphrodite robot from the old Tranzor Z cartoon.

Not much more I can say about this chapter.

Hope everyone liked it and will bless me with more reviews.


	3. Chapter 3

_**SHINJI THEATER III  
**_by Gunman

Disclaimer: I do not own EVA or it's characters or anything else that these parody's might suggest.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Chapter 3  
**Double Feature (and a half) **

It was a typical day at NERV.

Shinji still hadn't woken up from his happy coma and the NERV crew were continuing to watch what dreams he was having, thanks to Ritsuko's 'dream reading' machine.

"I'm gonna kill that boy!" Misato growled as she paced angrily around the command center. "I'm gonna kill him, I'm gonna kill him, I'm gonna kill him..." she said and turned towards Ritsuko and Maya. "YOU BETTER NOT BE RECORDING THAT!!!!"

"Oh, come now, Misato. We all agreed that we would record all of it for posterity." Ritsuko grinned.

"IT'S MY POSTERITY THAT WAS UP ON THAT SCREEN!" she screamed. "Leather bikini outfits, whips and chains! 'Bondage Queen Misato' indeed!" she growled.

_Yeah. Who knew Shinji was normal._ "At least you were covered." the blond doctor said.

"BARELY!" he screamed. "That imitation of me had Triple-E Breasts! NO WOMAN WOULD BE ABLE TO STAND UP WITH THOSE!!!!" she huffed like mad. "What the hell was Shinji-kun thinking? I mean they looked like inflated Air Bags!"

_And yet she still calls him 'Shinji-kun'_. Ritsuko thought. "And you didn't think it was fun to see you whipping all the men like they were dogs?"

"Yes. I didn't know the commander could scream like that." Shigeru said.

"Good thing he's not here now, or he'd have made us erase it." Maya said.

"I'd let her do it to me." Makoto said in a dreamy tone, which earned him pity-stares from Shigeru and Maya.

"And Shinji acting like an obedient little dog under Asuka's leather clad boot was interesting." Ritsuko said, looking at the redhead.

"OH YOU WOULD THINK SO!" Misato shouted at the blond.

"So it was Mistress Misato and Bondage-Queen-In-Training Asuka." Kaji smirked.

"At least Kaji got to see the sexy ME!" Asuka beamed.

_Which is another reason to avoid you like the plague!_ Kaji thought as he tried to non-noticeably move away from the girl, remembering her whipping scenes.

Suddenly, the screen came alive again.

"What's it gonna be this time?" Ritsuko wondered as she stared at the screen.

((Oh my dear, sweet Asuka.)) Shinji said on the screen.

"WHAT?" Asuka gasped as she heard her name.

((I've wanted to hold you close for so long, to tell you how I really feel... and now I can.)) the boy whispered to the girl.

((Oh, Shinji!)) the girl replied softly.

"SHINJI???!!!?!!!!!!" the real Asuka gasped.

On the screen everyone noticed that Shinji looked just a little different than before.

He was dressed in a white, long-sleeved buttoned up shirt, the sleeves rolled up, a loose red tie hanging around his neck and khaki pants. But it was his head that caught everyone's attention. For one thing, his hair was long enough to warrant a ponytail, and he had some stubble on his chin.

To everyone present, he looked like a teenage Kaji.

Which earned the man a lot of glares from everyone present.

On screen Shinji was cradling a certain red-haired teenager in his arms as they both sat on the floor of what looked like Misato's office. Asuka herself was wearing her yellow sundress, her left strap having fallen off her shoulder. Shinji was dressed in his normal white shirt and black slacks.

((Shinji... I'm scared.)) the girl said.

"WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'SCARED'? I'M NOT SCARED OF ANYTHING!!!" the real life redhead shouted.

((Don't be Asuka. I promised that I would never leave you alone.)) Shinji said.

On the screen, sounds of gunfire and thunderous stompings of boots were heard coming from outside the office.

((Shinji! They're here!)) Asuka said, burying herself in his chest.

((Don't worry, Asuka-chan! I won't let them hurt you again.)) Shinji replied as he held her tighter.

"Again?" the real Asuka gasped.

On the screen, Shinji held Asuka tighter as the girl buried herself into the boys chest, crying tears of sadness and fear.

((I'm right here, Asuka-chan.)) Shinji said as he stroked the girl's hair soothingly. ((You don't have to be scared of them anymore.))

((I'm not scared of them, Shinji-kun. I'm... I'm scared of...))

"OF WHAT? WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE SCARED OF???!!!!!" Asuka shouted to her on-screen counterpart.

((What are you scared of Asuka-chan?)) Shinji asked.

((Of never finding love.)) Asuka answered.

"..." Asuka said, just staring at the screen.

Misato waved a hand in front of her face, but got no response.

((I've pushed everyone away from me... with my arrogance and ego... my pride and... my wanting to be the best pilot and all. And out of everyone... you remained. Why?))

((Because I love you, Asuka-chan.))

Real-world Asuka gasped.

((But how, Shinji? I hurt you the worst. Always belittling you, cutting you down, humiliating you in public. But... you were the only one who stayed with me. Helped and protected me, even when I didn't want it. I........ I don't deserve you.)) she cried as tears fell down her cheeks.

Shinji wiped the tears away as he leaned in and pressed his lips tenderly to Asuka's.

Everyone in the real-world just watched as the kiss, a rather long and uninterrupted kiss, eventually faded to black.

(Sniff, sniff!)

"Maya?" Ritsuko gasped, noticing the small crying scene her tech was having.

"I'm sorry, sempai! That was... that was just so beautiful!" the female bridge bunny cried happy tears. _I wish someone would do that for me!_

_Where did she get the tissues?_ Misato wondered. _And why is Makoto using them too?_

"Wow. I didn't know Shinji had it in him to be such a romantic." Ritsuko said.

"Yeah. Though he was dressed like me when he did that to Asuka." Kaji said.

"Kinda makes sense."

"Yeah."

"OH KAJI!" Asuka cried out, clutching onto Kaji's arm tightly.

"Oh for crying out..." the unshaven man shouted as he tried to peel himself away from the girl.

"She just completely missed the whole 'Shinji'-part didn't she?" Misato asked.

"Guess so." Ritsuko groaned.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

While Shinji continued to broadcast several more 'movies', Dr Akagi had been called to Gendo's office.

"Akagi!" the grim commander shouted.

"Yes, sir?" the blond doctor asked, fearful of the reason she was called.

"I want you to wake him up."

"What?"

"I want you to wake the Third Child up from this ridiculous slumber."

"Uh... we've tried, sir. He hasn't woken up yet." she protested.

"I said, 'Wake Him Up'! I don't care how. Just do it!"

"What would you suggest?"

"Electric shock for all I care. Just do it!"

The blond sighed and then turned to walk out. "Yes, sir."

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"You can't do this, Ritz!" Misato said as Ritsuko started doing her work.

"I don't want to, Misato, but I have my orders." Ritsuko sighed heavily.

"If he dies, Ritz..." she warned.

"I know."

"Ready to administer electric shock, Dr Akagi." the nervous Maya said from her console.

The rest of the NERV crew was present, including Rei, Asuka and Kaji. Many of them looking rather apprehensive about this whole thing.

".......begin." Ritsuko said.

ZAP! The electrical current went through Shinji's body, causing his body to jump.

However, nothing happened.

"Again." Ritsuko said.

ZAP!

Nothing.

"Again!" she repeated.

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

Again, nothing happened. Shinji didn't wake up, though his heartbeat was slightly wavering.

"Sir! This isn't working!" Ritsuko said to the Commander, putting a hand on Maya's shoulder to stop the young tech. And Maya was nearly to the point of tears as it were.

"I want him woken up and this insanity stopped!" Gendo growled.

"If we push any harder it could damage Shinji." she argued.

"Then remove him from the Eva. We will figure out what to do with him then." he said as he headed back to his office.

"Yes, sir." she grimaced.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It was an hour later when Ritsuko called to Gendo's office.

(Uh... commander?) The blond scientist said.

"Have you removed the Third Child from Unit 01?" Gendo asked, not looking at the monitor that was connected to his office.

(No.)

"Why not?" he asked, now looking at the monitor.

(It's not letting us.)

"What?" Gendo asked, clearly upset by this news.

(The Eva. It's not letting us eject Shinji from the entry plug.)

"Can you override?"

(We've tried that from the commander center. Still nothing.)

"What about manual release?"

(Inoperable.)

"Can we cut him out of the Eva with a laser torch and..."

(No.) She interrupted.

"What?" he asked, upset at being cut off.

(The Eva's life support systems are tied to Shinji. The second we tried cutting the hatch, Shinji's life signs started to drop. Our only conclusion is that because Shinji's synch ratio with Unit 01 is so high right now, any attempt to physically remove Shinji will be like... surgically removing an arm or leg from a person. Too much damage, and Shinji would go into shock and possibly die.) She explained.

While Gendo didn't really seem to have a big problem with that, there was the logical part of his brain that was telling him it would be a bad idea. Shinji was virtually the only one who could pilot Unit 01, and if he died, Yui would be pissed.

"So what you're say is... there is nothing we can do." Gendo grumbled.

(Correct.)

_Damn It!_ "Recommendations?" he asked.

(I'll continue to work on the problem. But right now, I suggest we just... go with the flow on this one.)

_SIGH_! "Is that your professional opinion?"

(Yes, sir.)

"..........Understood." he said with a hiss, shutting off the monitor.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"Well, The Commander's not happy." Ritsuko said as soon as she cut transmissions with Gendo.

"Yeah, I figured as much." Misato said. "Still, I'm glad that's over."

"Me too."

"Sempai! We're receiving communication from Unit 01." Maya said.

"So, what have we got now?" Ritsuko asked.

"Well..." Maya started to say, as the main monitor came alive.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

On the screen there were five people standing around an unfamiliar, high-tech laboratory doing various jobs. They could see Shinji sitting over at a desk writing in a notebook. Ritsuko was over to the side staring into a microscope. Maya was sitting next to her typing on a computer. Kaji could be seen over to the side of the group talking on a cellphone. And Misato was over on the far side of the room reassembling a large gun.

((My name is Shinji Tatapopolus, and I'm an evolutionary biologist. These people are my teammates of N.E.R.V.- **N**eo-**E**volutionary Life **R**esearch **V**olunteer team. Dr Ritsuko Akagi, the worlds most renowned scientist who was never taken seriously because of how young and attractive she is.))

Real-world Ritsuko blushed.

((Her assistant is Maya Ibuki, a brilliant but somewhat meek computer specialist. The guy in the corner is Ryoji Kaji, our CIA liaison. A nice enough guy, but sometimes I wonder if he isn't after something more on our team. Rounding out this team is Misato Katsuragi, a former military captain and friend of my mothers. She and Kaji apparently have a history that she isn't really proud of.))

"Keeping things in perspective, I see." Misato said.

"So... I'm a spy, is that it?" Kaji asked, nervous at the accusation.

"Not a very good one if you let Shinji know." Ritsuko said.

"Maybe by letting him know, I'm actually putting up a smokescreen to distract from my real mission on this team."

"But letting him know, he will be suspicious anyway."

"But not about what I could be doing."

On-screen, a large six-foot creature walked into the lab. The creature looked like a large mutant lizard of some kind, slightly larger than a Raptor, but with a more Tyrannosaur-like appearance. It's most distinguishing features were the small red spikes on it's back that went along it's spine and it's crystal blue eyes. It walked over to Shinji and bumped his arm.

((Asuka, what are you doing up this early?)) Movie-Shinji asked.

"WHAT?!!! I'M A MUTANT LIZARD?" the real-world Asuka gasped.

"Ohhhhhh, I think I know where this is going." Misato said.

"Me too." Ritsuko said.

((You're mother will be very upset when she finds you gone.)) Movie-Shinji said, stroking the spines on the mutant lizards head gently as it purred.

Just then a large lizard, the size of a three-story building, reared it's massive head and bellowed loudly, causing the window panes to shake. It also caused the smaller lizard to flinch and screech back. The larger lizard looked more distinguished, but the obvious difference was the blue spikes along it's back and it's piercing red eyes.

((Look's like Rei's up.)) Movie-Misato said.

"I am a giant lizard?" Real-Rei asked in monotone.

"And apparently Asuka's mother as well." Real-Misato laughed.

Asuka just growled at the pair.

"I am Pilot Sohryu's mother?" Rei asked, cutely tilting her head to the side as if in thought.

"SHUT UP, WONDER GIRL!" Asuka shouted.

"That is no way to speak to your mother." the blue-haired girl said calmly to her.

"YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER!" the redhead shouted.

Misato and Ritsuko just looked at each other, smirking at how good Rei seemed to be at teasing the redhead.

"If you continue to shout, I will ground you until you learn to behave yourself." Rei said.

"WHY YOU..."

"Shut Up, Asuka!" Misato snapped as she grabbed Asuka before she could attack Rei.

"And Sit Down!" Ritsuko added, helping to restrain the redhead.

Asuka just growled, fumed, and sat down.

Just then, the on-screen emergency alarm sounded as the group looked out towards the city.

((It's a monster attack!)) Movie-Maya gasped.

((Then let's get to it, people!)) Movie-Shinji shouted.

The group, followed closely by Little Godzilla-Asuka, raced from their lab to their specialized hydrofoil-yacht and took off from their warehouse/lab/base through the river-side entrance. Godzilla-Rei roared and took off after them, swimming all the way.

((There It Is!)) Kaji shouted as the boat pulled up to the city docks.

The giant monster, actually looking like a pinkish version of Sachiel, the Third Angel, was attacking the city of Tokyo, coming right out of the bay like it did on the day Shinji first arrived.

"Is that..." Misato started to ask.

"The Third Angel. Yes." Ritsuko said, drinking her soda.

"It looks ugly." Misato said, popping another mini-candy into her mouth.

"It's pink, what do you expect?" the blond replied.

On-screen, Godzilla-Rei exploded out of the ocean and attacked the pink Sachiel from behind, hitting it with a powerful bolt of red fire into it's back.

"I can breath fire?" Real-Rei asked.

"Sure. Godzilla could always breath atomic fire from his mouth." Misato said.

"He could?"

"Didn't you ever watch any Godzilla movies, Rei?"

"I have no television." she replied.

"Well.... we'll have to get you one, then."

"Why? I am currently watching Shinji-kun's movies."

"Never mind."

Turning back to the monitor, the NERV crew watched as Godzilla-Rei grappled with the pink Sachiel and knocked it into a building.

((Do we have any data, Ritz-chan?)) Movie-Shinji asked as the team raced from the boat onto the dock.

((Not yet.)) Movie-Ritsuko said. ((It appears to be an unknown species.))

((It's biological make-up is almost alien!)) Maya said as she ran her scan through the computer she was wearing on her body. A miniature keyboard was strapped to her left arm as her right hand, complete with a laser-pointer, fingered the keys. She had a backpack that housed her hard drive and was equipped with a wireless-access antenna, a visor that wrapped around her face and acted like a holographic monitor, and a solar panel that provided additional power to the ergonomic-computer.

"Wow! I'm like... wearing that computer!" Real-Maya said, drooling a little at the high-tech device her movie-counterpart was wearing.

"Down girl! It's just a movie." Misato said with a grin.

Back on screen, Movie-Misato had taken out a large cannon and was shooting at the pink Sachiel while Godzilla-Rei was slapping it with her tail.

((It's got to have a weak-spot somewhere!)) Misato shouted.

((Keep shooting! Maybe you'll get lucky!)) Shinji said.

LG-Asuka shrieked as her mother battled the giant monster. Without any warning, she rushed toward the monster while Shinji yelled at her.

((ASUKA! NO! YOU GET YOUR SCALEY BEHIND BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!!)) Shinji shouted.

But LG-Asuka was already out of earshot as she leapt onto Sachiel's leg and bit down into it. Sachiel screeched and shook his leg violently, trying to shake her off. Godzilla-Rei saw her daughter on the monsters leg and lunged at the creature, knocking it back out to the bay and into the water.

((Well, that's a big help.)) Kaji said as the monsters continued to fight it out.

And what was more, LG-Asuka was still attached to Sachiel's leg.

((We have to get Asuka out of there!)) Shinji shouted.

((But how? We can't get close to them at all!))

((There might be a way.)) Shinji said as he pointed to a pair of large cargo-cranes that were anchored to the concrete docks.

((Shinji-kun! Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?)) Misato asked.

((If what you're thinking is using the cranes tie up the monster so that Rei and Asuka can destroy it, then yes!))

((I Love How You Think!))

Shinji and Misato raced towards the large cargo-cranes and quickly climbed up the ladders and into the cabs. Switching them on the pair started moving them closer to where Godzilla-Rei and Sachiel were fighting it out. Sachiel backhanded Rei, knocking her down as Shinji and Misato made their move. Hitting the switches and thrusting the controls forward, the large cargo-cranes lashed out towards the monstrous Sachiel. Misato's crane grabbed one of Sachiel's arms, while Shinji's crane knocked him in the head. Sachiel tugged hard on the crane around his arm, practically pulling it out from it's moorings, the crane leaning at a 45-degree angle now.

((MISATO!)) Shinji shouted.

((Damn It! Need Some Help Here!)) Misato groaned as she pulled harder on the cran controls.

Shinji's crane came back around and lashed onto Sachiel's other arm, holding it tight as Rei recovered and moved to attack Sachiel.

It was in the middle of this fight that Asuka leaped over to help her mother, snapping at the larger mutant lizards ear. Rei looked down and fired a concentrated blast directly into Sachiel's chest, heating and exploding the red sphere in it's center.

Sachiel shrieked and died as the NERV team arrived to survey the remains of the monster.

((ARGH! Did she have to kill the freaking thing?!)) Ritsuko groaned.

((What did you expect her to do? Keep it as a pet?)) Kaji asked.

((Well, no. But it makes it easier to study if the thing is alive!))

((Ritsuko, I would love to see you try and give one of these things an examination while they were still alive and kicking.)) Kaji grinned.

Shinji and Misato came down from the cranes and headed over to their friends.

((Good thinking, Shinji-kun.)) the woman smiled.

((I had a good teacher, Misato-sempai.)) the young man replied.

((Yeah, well, in this line of work, you have to be a doer, not just a sit-down scientist.))

((MISATO-KUN!)) Maya shouted as she raced over and threw herself at the purple-haired woman.

((OMPH! Easy, Maya-chan! I'm fine, really.))

((I was just so worried! When that monster started pulling your crane out of it's moorings...)) she said as the crane Misato had been in suddenly started creaking. The metal suddenly twisted and broke free, causing the crane to come down and crash into the ocean.

((Whoa.)) Misato said simply.

((THAT COULD HAVE BEEN YOU!!)) Maya shouted.

((But it wasn't Maya-chan. So stop worrying.))

((How can I **not** worry?! Every time you go off and do something incredibly reckless like that, I'm the one who holds her breath wondering if you're going to come back alive or not!)) she cried, tears in her eyes now.

((Maya-chan... what are you saying?)) Misato asked, a fearful expression on her face.

((I Can't Do This Anymore, Misa-kun. I.... I want to break up.)) she cried.

There was a silent pause before Misato spoke up.

((Please, Maya-chan. Don't Give Up On Our Love!)) Misato said suddenly.

"Oh...." Real-Misato gasped.

"My..." Real-Maya gasped.

"...God!" Real-Ritsuko laughed.

((Misato, I....)) Movie-Maya started to say.

((Maya, please! This is the first relationship I've been in that didn't start as a drunken one-night stand and ended up with a text-message saying 'thanks for the good time'. I.... I don't want to lose what we have.)) Movie-Misato begged.

Maya and Misato looked at each other for several minutes before Maya broke down and cried. Misato moved in and wrapped her arms around the computer tech.

Their real-world counterparts were just as stunned, barely able to look at each other. Though Maya was sneaking the occasional look at Misato.

((Then don't you ever do anything so foolish or reckless again!)) Maya cried into Misato's arms.

((I can't promise you that, Maya-chan. The only thing I can promise, is that I will do everything I can to make it back to you.)) Misato said, gently brushing her hair with her free hand.

((I suppose that will have to do, then, Misa-kun.)) she said with a small smile.

((I'm surprised you're not mad at Shinji for pulling me into that stunt.)) Misato said.

((Why should I be? You were the one who taught him to act like that.))

The pair looked at each other before they leaned in and kissed each other on the lips.

Back in the real world, Kaji and the male staff were cheering the kiss on, Maya had shrieked and fallen over in embarrassment. Misato was the first one to her side.

"Oh Maya-chan! Don't Give Up On Our Love!!!" Ritsuko laughed.

"Don't mock the poor girl, Ritsuko!" Misato said, trying to revive the fainted techie.

"I was mocking YOU, _Misato-kun_!" the blond laughed.

On-screen, Shinji was standing between LG-Asuka and G-Rei, with Kaji and Ritsuko standing next to them, all sighing happily with starry-eyed expressions.

((That really is disgusting.)) Movie-Kaji said.

((You're just saying that because you drove Misato and Maya together.)) Movie-Ritsuko said.

((It wasn't intentional!))

((But still true!))

((Is that why you won't sleep with me either?)) he asked.

((Maybe. I mean... how bad can you be in bed to make a woman go total lesbian?)) Ritsuko asked with a condescending smirk.

((Are you willing to find out?)) he said with a challenging grin.

"WHAT?!" Real-Ritsuko gasped.

"Oh, here we go again." Real-Kaji groaned.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

An hour later when Maya had recovered, and still blushing at the lesbian-theme that had been in Shinji's last movie, the screen came alive, but had an image of an older Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Sohryu standing on a large dock looking out at a tramp steamer pulling off into the sunset, while a group of dinosaurs stood around them.

((A year ago, if someone had told me that I'd be standing on the New York docks with a beautiful women in my arms and a dinosaur for a pet, I'd have laughed in their faces. The year is 1931. The place... well, it started in Tokyo, Japan. My name is Shinji Ikari, a play and screen writer by trade. I was hired by a rather reckless film maker named Gendo Rokubungi to write a dynamite movie script for him. Problem was, his financial backers at NERV Studios were trying to shut down his film because of his excessive spending.)) Shinji said, seeming to be narrating the scene.

The scene changed to a boat on the open seas where the grim-looking commander was staring out across the ocean with a pair of binoculars.

((Not hard to believe that Gendo, being the man he was, fled the country with his film crew before they could stop him, in the attempt to finish his picture. He shanghaied a small but skilled crew to finish it. There was Shigeru the sound specialist. Maya the camera woman. Fuyutsuki was Gendo's right hand man.))

The trio looked at the screen as their names were mentioned. Shigeru looked like he was wearing a mechanical backpack with a microphone on the end of a long pole that he was carrying. Maya was hoisting around a tripod and camera with a big lense case. It looked heavy but she was lifting it easily. And Fuyutsuki was carrying a thick stack of papers in a file and a clipboard.

((And then, of course, me, writing the script while we were at sea. But of course, what movie isn't complete without a leading man and lady. Those roles were filled by a guy named Ryoji Kaji, a guy I took to be more face than talent.))

Kaji looked hurt as he saw his on-screen counterpart waving a black comb in front of his lip while staring in the mirror, as if he was trying to see how he'd look with a mustache.

((The role of the leading lady was filled by a newcomer to the business. I'd heard she had worked the stage, but not the screen. Her name... Asuka Langley Sohryu.))

"Huh? I'm an actress?" the redhead gasped as she saw herself on the screen. A little older, same age as Misato, and more well defined, wearing a full-length dress the same color as the sundress she wore on the 'Over the Rainbow' cruiser.

((With our skilled but irregular crew assembled for our rather suspicious film shoot, we discovered that our mode of travel was even more questionable.))

The scene shifted to a large tramp steamer boat. It was rusted and looked like it had seen a lot of action over the years. From both rough seas and other boats.

((Nice, isn't it? Actually, the only thing really nice about this barge, is it's captain.))

The scene changed to show one Misato Katsuragi, dressed in a black leather skirt, boots, black shirt, a large trench coat, and captains hat on her head. Her silver cross dangling from her neck.

((This is Captain Misato Katsuragi. Easy on the eyes, hard on the attitude.))

"WHAT?" the purple-haired woman gasped.

((I wasn't sure what to make of her at first. Mercenary, pirate, drunkard. She seems like a rather straightforward person, definitely steers the boat better when she's drunk))

"Again with the 'Drunken Misato', Shinji-kun?" she groaned in disbelief.

((Her crew certainly looks like they were picked up from the local dives. Except for this one guy who looks like he's actually read a book. First Mate Makoto Hyuga.))

"I'm the first mate? Cool!" the glasses wearing man cried as he noticed his counterpart was wearing glasses and a black trench coat like Misato.

((We spent nearly three weeks at sea trying to get to this place that Gendo swore existed. An island he said was called Geofront. I'd never heard of it. Sounded made-up.))

The scene images changed to show the crew doing various things, like shooting their movie, some scenes with Kaji and Asuka. There was one with Asuka hoofing it, like she was teaching the crew how to dance. Maya and Shigeru were arguing over how to repair their equipment. Misato spending most of her time staring through a pair of binoculars at the open ocean. Like she was looking for the same something that Gendo was. And then there was Shinji, typing away on his typewriter and grinning at the same time.

((It was during the trip that I came to realize that Asuka was in love with me.))

"WHAT?" the real-life redhead gasped.

((Apparently she was a fan of my writing style, especially my stage plays, as she worked the stage before being signed on to do this movie.))

"I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!" Asuka shouted.

"It's Shinji's movie, so there's little you can do." Misato said smugly.

((At any rate, we made it to the island, nearly running aground of the rocky reef due to the thick fog. While Misato and her crew tried to fix the boat, we went ashore, finding the ruins of a thought-to-have-been-extinct civilization.))

The scene showed a large, deserted village carved out of stone with fish heads on wooden spears and wrapped in some kind of rope. There was a large stone wall surrounding the village, probably more than a hundred feet high, and facing the rest of the island which seemed to be teeming with jungle vegetation.

((We thought we had found the last blank spot on the map. What we found... was death.))

The scene shifted showing one of the crew men getting pierced through the chest by a spear from a rather filthy looking and scantily dressed islander.

((If not for Misato and her armed crew, we probably would have all met the same fate.))

The scene changed to show Misato and her armed crew using machine guns and rifles to drive off the hundreds of natives that had tried to kill all of them.

((However, trying to leave that cursed island, met with one major problem.))

The image shifted showing the islanders sneaking aboard the ship, kidnapping Asuka and dragging her off ship and into the water where the other islanders pulled them back via attached rope.

((It wasn't until they were on shore that Asuka was able to let loose a fierce scream for help that we noticed she was gone. Quickly mounting a rescue, we realized that we weren't quick enough for what had happened. At first we thought that the islanders were going to sacrifice her. And we were right, only to find out it was a sacrifice to a giant animal they worshiped like a god.))

The scene showed Asuka tied to a pair of pillars on a large stone perch. Off in the distance, the trees rustled and the brush pushed back to reveal a giant creature of sorts lumbering out of the darkness and fog, becoming visible only in the dim light of the lit torches.

It was then that everyone, especially the on-screen Asuka, could see it.

It was...

"PEN-PEN?" Misato gasped as the giant 30-foot penguin lumbered out of the jungle.

"Don't you mean.. King PenPen?" Ritsuko asked as the screen showed Asuka getting picked up by the giant, 30-foot penguin and then carried off into the jungles.

"Wow. You're penguins quick, isn't he Captain." Makoto said.

"You should see him run up to you when he thinks you've got food." Misato smirked.

((What we didn't know at the time was that PenPen, as the islanders called him, was the last of a race of prehistoric penguins that lived at the time of the dinosaurs. We realized this when we encountered the rest of the bizarre creatures, the dinosaurs, of this island.))

The scene shifted to show the numerous other dinosaurs that inhabited the island. Most of them were gentle plant-eaters, like a herd of lumbering brontosauruses and a pack of ostrich-like galamymus.

(**AN: Think the creatures from Jurassic Park**)

But these gentle-giants suddenly became a monstrous stampede when a pack of velociraptors came out of nowhere and attacked them, causing them to panic and run, leading to the crew running for their lives, and some getting stepped on.

It was during this running-with-the-dinosaurs that Shinji grabbed Maya and Shigeru and hoisted them up onto the backs of two of the galamymus's. At least, Shinji tried to get Shigeru up, one of the brontosaurus's lowered it's head and scooped up the sound technician right on it's head, lifting him up to avoid the snapping jaws of one of the raptors.

"Oh brother! Saved by an extinct species of hamburger!" Real-Shigeru groaned.

But what was really odd to everyone, was 'old-man' Fuyutsuki sprinting like a marathon runner faster than one of the raptors.

"Wonderful. If the raptors don't get me, I'll die of heart attack." Real-Fuyutsuki groaned with an amused smirk.

But also, Shinji seemed to have been saved by a giant four-footed lizard with a spiked beak and feathers around it's head, which had been caught in the path of the stampeding dino's and had Shinji jump onto him after he had tossed Maya onto the back of the galamymus.

(**AN: Think the lizard-like Boga that Obi-Wan Kenobi rode in SW3: Revenge of the Sith**)

((Leading the 15-man crew to rescue Asuka was something I had never done before. I had never been a leader, and seemed to have developed a unique talent for tracking and such. Odd, considering that this prehistoric penguin was more agile than he seemed, considering his bulk.)) Movie-Shinji said as the screen showed the crew having evaded the dinosaurs and back on the trail of the giant penguin. ((Little did we know just what PenPen had in store for Asuka.))

The scene changed as it showed PenPen taking Asuka to his large cave, putting her on a ledge and then using his large razor-sharp claws to strip off her already torn dress.

"GOD DAMN IT! I'M GONNA BE RAPED BY A PENGUIN!!!" Real-Asuka shouted.

"Actually, it's worse." Misato grinned.

"Why?" Asuka asked, wondering why the woman was grinning.

"Because it looks like.... yup. He wants you to be his housekeeper." she said, suddenly bursting out laughing.

On the screen, King PenPen had put Asuka in a maid's outfit, shoved a broom and dustpan into her hand and was now making her sweep up his large cave.

"His definition of 'bride' is incredibly shallow, isn't it?" Ritsuko asked.

"Yeah." Misato grinned. _Which is bad, considering Asuka never cleans the apartment_.

"This.... is meant to be a comedy, isn't it?" Maya asked.

"It is now." Shigeru replied.

"He turned me into a dress-up doll!" Asuka whined.

((By the time we located PenPen's cave, it was nightfall, and the only thing we had going for us was a pack of dinosaurs helping us out.)) Shinji narrated.

The scene showed Shigeru sitting atop the large brontosaurus's head, with the rest riding on the backs of the galamymus's and Shinji riding the iguana-like creature.

"Great! We've gone from a movie-making-crew to The Beast Riders!" Real-Shigeru said.

"Really." Real-Makoto said.

"But... realistically, you couldn't domesticate dinosaurs so easily."

"And how would you know that?" Real-Maya asked.

"Because it's obvious!" Real-Shigeru said.

"First of all, dinosaurs don't exist in this day and age so there's no way to prove that little theory. Second, this is Shinji's movie, so he can pretty much do whatever he wants. And three... something's happening!" Real-Makoto said, pointing to the screen.

((We were about to go in and rescue her, when something bad happened.)) Movie-Shinji narrated.

The scene showed Gendo trying to get closer with the camera, only to knock over a large trash can, sending a large amount of dust sprawling all over the floor. PenPen was awake in an instant and squawking at Gendo.

((Before anyone could do anything, PenPen had snatched up Gendo, ripping his clothes off, and put him in a butler's outfit before ordering him to sweep up the mess he had made.))

The scene then depicted Gendo sweeping up furiously the mess he had made, while PenPen had everyone sit around a large fire serving up cupcakes to them.

This naturally had the real-world NERV crew giggling and rolling on the floor. The Commander, however, wasn't laughing so much.

((Eventually, Gendo got so fed up with the servant treatment, that he impulsively took his camera and hurled it at PenPen, knocking him in the head, rendering him unconscious.)) Shinji narrated as Director-Gendo did just that. ((With the beast unconscious, and the camera and film ruined, Gendo had only one recourse: take PenPen and the dinosaurs back home with us and put them on display.))

The scene shifted, a small captioning saying 'Six Months' later, and the group was in New York City in a large theater-house where PenPen, trussed up in chains, was sitting on stage. Off to the side, Gendo was taking pictures with Kaji and Fuyutsuki next to him, beaming off the publicity that he was getting from capturing the giant prehistoric penguin.

At first, nothing really interesting happened, until during the big production number when one of the dancers, dressed up like a large fish, tap-danced across the stage. PenPen became immediately hungry and broke free of his chains.

People screamed and panicked as PenPen broke free and started running amok.

((Realizing that something had to be done, Shigeru, Maya, Fuyutsuki, Asuka, and myself, quickly changed our outfits and called out mounts!)) Shinji narrated.

The NERV crew watched as Shinji and his companions stripped off their formal evening wear, now suddenly wearing cowboy outfits!

"Okay, this is just getting ridiculous!" Misato groaned as On-Screen Shinji whistled sharply.

Within seconds, a brontosaurus, three galamymus and the quadrupedal-lizard suddenly came around the corner of the large theater and stopped in front of the group. Shinji mounted the lizard, Maya, Fuyutsuki and Asuka mounted the galamymus, and Shigeru rode on top of the brontosaurus. In a second they were all off after the giant penguin.

"I can't watch this anymore." Misato groaned.

"Oh, look, there you are!" Ritsuko suddenly said.

"WHAT?" the woman gasped, seeing herself exploding through the bustling crowd on a motorcycle. She was dressed in a black leather jacket, black pants, boots, and had a 'biker's hat' on her head.

"It's Biker Misato to the rescue!" Ritsuko cheered/mocked.

"You look like Marlon Brando from 'The Wild One'." Fuyutsuki commented.

"Who from what?" Misato asked.

"Never mind." Fuyutsuki said, feeling very old right then.

On-screen, the group of Beast Riders quickly chased down the amazingly fast penguin as it looked around furiously for some fish to eat. It attacked a fish delivery truck and started eating.

((Quick as PenPen was distracted, we surrounded him and threw out our lasso's, grabbing him around his head, flippers, feet and tail. Needless to say, he didn't stop eating.)) Shinji narrated.

"Yeah, kinda figured." Real Misato replied to that comment.

((Within a few minutes we had PenPen all tied up and ready for transport back to the island. Gendo was arrested for the trouble he caused. After which he started doing prison movies, which made him more money than action/romance/drama pictures. The rest of us were allowed to keep our dino's, as they caused less trouble than PenPen. Misato was able to transport the 30-foot penguin back to the island, but instead the thing kept following her around like a pet. It didn't help that Misato kept feeding him all that fish to keep him happy. As for Asuka and myself, we got married a short time later, and ended up leaving New York after a few years. Asuka liked the work she got, but in the end it was too much trouble, especially with all the growing Anti-German issues the Nazis were stirring up in Europe. We eventually returned to the Geofront Island, where we spent the rest of our lives in peaceful obscurity while the world pretty much destroyed itself. Oddly enough, Misato, Fuyutsuki, Maya, Shigeru, and Misato's crew came with us. It was odd to think of us as a family, but... that's what we were, and we liked it.)) Shinji narrated as the monitor slowly faded to black.

"Oh my god. That's so sad." Maya cried.

"What are you talking about? In the original King Kong movie, the ape died!" Shigeru said.

"Yeah, Maya! It had an amazingly happy ending." Misato said.

"But they were talking about World War II and all the people dying." Maya said.

"Yeah, but that was to be expected. Especially since the original King Kong movie was shot back in the 1930's and all." Ritsuko said. "That's where Shinji started all this."

"Yeah. Which... kinda makes you wonder where Shinji got such detailed information, and what he's gonna show us later on." Kaji said.

"Something I'm sure we've never see before." Fuyutsuki said.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Author's Notes:

Hope everyone enjoyed this little story. It's been a while since I updated it, and for that I'm sorry. It's been a while since I had time to go back and revisit this.

I've taken several suggestions and I hope to have them out as soon as possible.

This chapter is mostly Shinji/Asuka centric.

Next on Shinji Theater: **Gendo Puts On A Dress!**

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OMAKE

An hour later, the screen came alive again.

((Welcome, Shinji.)) Gendo declared at the boy.

((What the hell, old man? First you abandon me for ten years then your bearded ass sends for me to come because you need me. And when I get here you send a lead-footed lingerie model to pick me up, then I meet your swimming instructor who likes to talk about demons, and now you want me to pilot this giant robot you built that I've never seen against something that can withstand a nuclear blast? Are you out of your freaking mind?)) Shinji shouted back.

((Hardly. You will pilot it. And for your information, that lingerie model and swimming instructor are my director of operations and chief scientist.))

Shinji looked back at the pair.

((Jeez, pop! What kind of pervert have you become?)) Shinji asked his father.

((What?)) Gendo asked.

((I mean, do you only hire sexy young women to work for you, or do you just give them their jobs to keep up morale?))

"Excuse me?" Real-Misato and Ritsuko gasped.

((Excuse me?)) Movie-Misato and Ritsuko gasped.

((Not that I'm complaining about the eye-candy you've got going on here, but I'll bet you've even got a couple cute computer techs sitting around in nice tight uniforms and skirts, not to mention a female pilot or two in tight spandex outfits.))

"Boy, is he nailing this." Ritsuko commented.

((I mean, come on! The blond looks like she's going to the beach and the other one looks like she's about to hit the dance club.))

Said women were wide-eyed and blushing.

((Honestly, where did you get the demon-obsessed-swimming-instructor and the stunt-driving-lingerie-model?)) Shinji asked.

"Demon obsessed swimming instructor?" Ritsuko gasped.

"Stunt driving lingerie model?" Misato coughed.

"Sexy young women?" Maya asked.

"Eye-candy?" Rei asked.

"Morale booster?" Shigeru asked.

"Tight spandex outfits?" Asuka gasped.

_Cute computer tech?_ Maya blushed._ But I don't wear a skirt_.

"Going to the beach? Really! I just got out of the LCL tanks!" Ritsuko grumbled.

"That was a brand new dress!" Misato stated. "Not that I couldn't go club hopping in it, but what the hell was that about?"

"Most likely it was Shinji's subconscious after-thoughts on the situation. Sort of like, what he really thinks of everything that he's seen and heard, and what he 'could' have said regarding it." Ritsuko theorized.

"So... that was the side of Shinji that was more... what? Bolder? Adult?"

"Yeah." Ritsuko answered.

"Well, why didn't you just say that!"

"I thought I just did."

"Well, it's nice to know what Shinji really thinks about us."

"Probably what he wanted to say to us, but you know Shinji."

"We do now." Kaji said.


End file.
